8 May - Tae's Journal

We have been having problems with our internet connection from home for the past couple days.
Taholo went to Fiji on Monday and have to fly back here on Wednesday morning because Tae was sick all day Tuesday.  She has picked up a with Dad back home - today she insisted on a car ride even though its getting more difficult to move her around. We have realized however that over the past month each time she wants to do something its often the last time she is able too.  The last day she could walk (with an escort) she hobbled through the flea market. 2 weeks ago, she insisted that all the kids and moms dance and then she asked Dad to dance... that was the last time she could get on her feet out of the wheelchair.  I found this on her journal written a week ago.
She asked me to type it for her...

Dear Journal
Just thought I'd write down my thoughts before I lose them.
It's been a lot more difficult lately.. and to think that just couple weeks ago, I was doing fine.
Right now, it's gotten a lot harder to concentrate.. I feel so tired now.
I feel like I'm coming towards my end, but I'm not so sure when that will happen.
I feel a whole lot weaker.. my body is still sore even after all the drugs, I 've been taking.
I can't even feel my legs.. It just comes to show that there are lot of things you can do without having the feet (to walk) with. And to think that our of ALL the songs in the world, My song's called "WALK ON, WALK STRONG"..LOL
I AM blessed and I'm happy with the way things are. Even if God *does* take me home, I feel like my 15 years.. though it may seem short to many. I had the 'journey of a lifetime" and I'm happy with that.. (with what I have and who I am)

I know my handwritings terrible... I dunno why.. probably because I want it to make my journal update more dramatic.. hahaha!

If I was a bit healthier, I would be ashamed of this (of my handwriting)
Seeing how broken my body is now... kinda makes me look forward to Heaven, and to my new "Heavenly Body"
'ofa atu
Tae

Comments

[Nesi & Seni]

Dear Tae,

We are cheering you with tears and with smiles...walk on walk strong!!the momentarily dance of joy and pain may come to and end..but the gradeur and the music of the heavenly host will emerge...but still we face with the invitation to a deeper reflection in the meaining of life, the fallenness of our world, and the reality of God.

The sigh of your soul is heard in the depths...you awaken the eternity of our hearts to long for the reality of the Blessed Hope...to live is Christ to die is gain.

Thanks for living life so well...so beautiful. In the midst of your crumbling "tent" you still sing and walk your song...walk on, walk strong...You tame pain and death ferociously...and make them less threatening, and shame us of our ungratefulness and childish complainings. Almost all of the great but ungodly men of history faced death either with fear, anger, and or regret--the wisdom,power, honor, and praises betrayed them in their last moment...but you--"you walk on , walk strong" even when your feet refuse the journey...!!!we know... the greater walk is the walk of the soul...yes Tae --in the journey of the soul.. you are still walking on walking strong!!

You'll leave a legacy that will challenge and inspire us and those behind us in the years to come...To the wise of this world, you offer them a thorny riddle to work on--the wisdom of God is revealed and exalted through the weak. But, to those who humbly respond to the Creator, your life calls them to worship...

May His peace and joy which are beyond all understanding guard your heart in Christ Jesus...May God bless you richly, may He enlarge your territory...

Our thoughts, love, and prayers are with you...and we are walking on !!...walking on strong!!because of Him who is in and with you...and because of you modeling to us what it means to walk on...walk strong!!

in Christ,

Nesi & Seni

[Lata]

Dear Tae,

Yesterday I drove to the interior of Ba which is extremely isolated but very beautiful. Anyway on the way there I saw a police post (between Lautoka and Ba) that looks like all the other ones you see around Fiji with one difference - this particular one had a narrow balconey upstairs and four plastic chairs and each one had a Teddy bear sitting in it watching the world from their little perch. My colleague and I laughed because I slowed down to have a look at them and she remarked on how I notice things all the time. I said I used to be a journalist and of course I had to walk around to with my eyes open to what was happening or else what kind of journalist and writer could I be. We tried taking a picture on the way back but it was an overcast day and raining heavily. I wanted to share that with you anyway. I was touched by your thoughts from your journal and you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Im afraid I don't go to church much but believe in Gods wisdom and grace although I often question this at times with a lot of Whys. Rest easy and moce mada.
love and hugs
Lata

[Lopeti Senituli]

I just love it Tae!
There will be a traffic jam in heaven as the angels fly into each other as they laugh at all your jokes and your self-effacing humour!
I am sure they are dying to greet you!...hahaha!!!
Lopeti Senituli

[Nesi]

Man Tae, when God created you, for one thing I can see, is he took specific and concentrated time to uniquely form you into the character and person you are. And it has magnificance written all over it!!!!!!!
My family and frenz think I'm a fanatic coz I'm cheking your website everydae to see hw things are....LOL, and no, I'm not a stalker..hahaha...I'm jus really inspired by your life (even if I'm just gettng it off the net)..see, you Tae speak louder than the cancer that has crippled your body. That alone, can impact and has impacted alot of people......
Satan must be furious coz' whatever he's tryng to do to your physical body, its not wavering the faith and focus you have on God!!!!!!!Da man!!!!Dat's hw we dooze it!!!!LOL......

Stil and always in prayer Tae and your family,
Nesi

['Una]

Dear Tae,

its been raining here this morning and things are still the same here as usual..this morning I had a bible study with a lady from the Christ crusade here and I shared alot of you with her... how your life inspired me so much..we studied about Ester and how she had the courage to approach the King to help her people..."live or die she will have to face the King" This made me thing back at you Tae..You have help alot of us..despite the pains and hard times you still had the courage to share and reveal out the MIGHTY and BLESSINGS the Lord have given you in which helped rescue alot of us... the FAITH that Ester had is similar to yours, in still no matter what... you still walk on...walk strong..

I know that its hard but God still has more people to see your FAITH Tae..thanx alot for all being a good model for us and for sharing your life with us...We love you so much and 'ofa atu to your parents and Mia and JOY...

With lots of hugs, Love and prayers
Pola, Malia, Nane, Suli, NOa, Kelisimi, KIpola, Mone, Felix, 'Una
Kau hiva le'oua...hahahahahaha

[Lani]

Dear Tae,

Thank you for your beautiful journal entry, I bumped into Louisa and she told me to come check your website as I hadn't yet, I'd been stressing over uni assignments and other things but you have an amazing gift of reminding us about whats important and always persevering. Thank you so much for always reminding me of that...15 years maybe short but I think its more about quality and not quantity. Im thinking and praying for you Tae, missing you and glad to hear Dad's back...

btw had a very yummy pancake breakfast today, with maple syrup and ice cream..i ate some for you too lol

'Ofa Lahi Atu,
Lani xx